Love is in the air, wear a mask…or not. The season of love has crept upon us once again, and the battle of oppression will commence in a few days. Only the strongest will survive so I hope the odds will be in your favor.
Think of the first time you fell in love. The fuzzy butterflies in your stomach every time you thought of that person. What if I told you that feelings are so fickle that you can’t just start a relationship based on how fast your heart beats when they’re around? Or that the butterflies aren’t what keep you going on days when you look at your partner and wonder what you’re doing with them.
Most times, the only reason we think we love a person is that we have actively allowed that feeling to grow through constant communication and quality time. I know you don’t believe me but do you remember when you dated someone you swore you’d never be caught dead with? What changed? Or that person you had a crush on in primary school? What happened the last time you saw them?
As much as we would like to deny it, relationships primarily affect our emotions and as such, decisions to date a person shouldn’t be based on feelings alone. As a generation obsessed with romantic relationships, it’s easy to buy into the idea that you can’t help who you love. If this were true, people would never break up.
Love is not just a feeling, it’s a decision. For people in long-term relationships, there are instances when the only emotion they feel towards their partner is irritation. If it’s a relationship solely based on feelings, there is no guarantee that we’ll treat our partners nicely on days we do not feel in love with them.
Love is a conscious choice. It’s essential that you’re not just with your partner because of what society deems popular at a particular time or because you have been with them for so long a time that you’re scared to be alone. Never stay in a relationship because you feel that circumstances are out of your control. You deserve better.
Be particular about who you want to invest your time and emotions in. Every living thing has standards so why should you be an exception? However, your standards shouldn’t be unreasonable because you feel you don’t deserve better or unrealistic because you want the finished product even though you are still going through a growth process.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to want your partner to be of a certain standard but also acknowledge that people are a constant work in progress just like you.
Put in the work. Relationships don’t work by simply winging it. Neither do they stand the test of time because both parties are good people. Relationships thrive on intentionality and hard work. Sometimes you have to learn to love someone based on how they want to be loved and not how you know how to love.
Lastly, don’t let anyone pressure you. It’s okay to wait if you feel you’re not emotionally ready for a relationship. Being fastidious about what you want and when you want it doesn’t make you weird. The fact that you’re single doesn’t mean you have to settle for anybody that comes your way. The waiting period is a time for self-reflection and development so make the most of it.
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