“But why did she have to yell at me?” Faizah asked, speaking to no one in particular.
She was on her little top-bunk bed that night, huddled under her blue floral duvet as she cried her eyes out in pain and confusion. She couldn’t understand it – the flood of emotions that followed a little squabble with Kite, her roommate. This confusion made the tears rush out all the more.
Her mind was a tangled mess of deprecating thoughts, each one weaving out a path for the next. She felt ashamed at her outburst, but that was nothing compared to the immense feeling of loneliness! Loneliness crept upon her heart like a thief; it clung tightly like a wicked parasite, sucking out every bit of joy left within her.
It made her believe that no one loved her.
If they cared, someone would call to check on her right? She thought
But all she got was noise from outside – proof that she was insignificant. Everyone went about as if everything was normal, all while she battled so much inside! And so she cried. She cried till her head felt fuzzy, and she began to drift into her dreams. It was then that she heard that soft familiar voice whisper “Faizah. My beloved, don’t you know that these are all lies?”
Faizah knew. She knew very well that her friends and family cared about her. She knew that she was never alone, that was God’s promise to her. He said He would never leave her nor forsake her.
Faithful to His word, He comforted her. His words of affirmation were a soothing balm. She felt seen and heard. He understood her even when she didn’t understand herself.
But why were her emotions so uncontrollable? How did that little altercation with Kite become the portal that transported those evil thoughts into her mind?
Faizah’s story is an expression of something that many women go through – menstrual depression. Research shows that about 90% of people with a menstrual cycle, experience Pre Menstrual Syndrome (PMS) symptoms which may include anxiety, bloating, sadness, acne, agitation, and many others. Women typically experience this two weeks preceding their period, and in peculiar cases, during or after.
Most women are able to cope with PMS, so when the symptoms begin to affect her ability to do regular things, it may be something more severe like Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), or Premenstrual Exacerbation (PME). I won’t be going much into detail on these two, but you can find out more about them here.
As you know already, I am not a doctor. I’m only sharing what I learnt from personal experience and research. This is not meant to serve as a diagnosis, or an expert medical opinion. I write to everyone (myself included), who has ever felt like Faizah. Suddenly overwhelmed, ashamed at the instability of your emotions. Confused as to what was happening.
No girl, you’re not weird!
Many women have had similar experiences. I hope that you were able to identify with Faizah and see that God understood you even when you didn’t understand yourself. God sees you! That’s amazing news, isn’t it?
Well, here’s some more good news for you. Today, I’ll be sharing a few things that could help you whenever you feel this way. A great start is talking to someone who loves you. Please, don’t isolate yourself. Instead of just feeling the feelings, why not talk about them? It’ll lessen the weight you might feel, and reinforce that truly you are not alone.
You could also read relevant articles to understand your body better in order to make some sense of all that’s happening within you. I know that understanding what was going on definitely made things easier for me. You may also discover other practical ways of managing your symptoms.
The last thing I’ll add is this. Try not to just sit idly while your emotions drown and overwhelm you. I know it won’t be easy at the moment but try to get up and move about a bit. Complete some simple tasks. Engage in some enjoyable activities. Read a book. Listen to wholesome music. Just do something that’ll keep your mind engaged.
Alright now, it’s time to say goodbye. But allow me to leave you with a little fun fact. The name ‘Faizah’, means Victorious. So, even if you leave this blog post with nothing else, I ask that you leave with this – No emotion’s too powerful to be overcome. There’s no emotion powerful enough to overwhelm you, except if you let it in yourself.
Emphasis on the ‘no emotion’s too powerful to overcome’, preach!